Protect Your Smile With A Little Laughter
Barn Burned Claim
Jim´s barn burned down. Julie, his wife, called the insurance company and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.” “Whoa there, just a minute, Julie, it doesn´t work like that. We will assess the value of the building and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.” the agent replied.
Julie, after a pause, said, “Well, in that case, I´d like to cancel the policy on my husband.”
Traveling Insurance Salesman
An insurance salesman, risk manager and a safety director are traveling in the countryside. Weary, they stop at a small country inn. “I only have two rooms, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn,” the innkeeper says.
The safety director volunteers to sleep in the barn, goes outside, and the others go to bed. In a short time they´re awakened by a knock. It´s the safety director, who says, “There´s a cow in that barn. I´m a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred animal.”
The risk manager says, that’s OK, I’ll sleep in the barn. The others go back to bed, but soon are awakened by another knock. It´s the risk manager who says, “There´s a pig in the barn. I´m Jewish, and cannot sleep next to an unclean animal.”
So the insurance salesman is sent to the barn. It´s getting late, the others are very tired and soon fall asleep.But they´re awakened by an even louder knocking. They open the door and are surprised to see the ‘cow’ and the ‘pig’ standing in the doorway.
Hospital Bill Resolution
Mr. Smith was brought to the Hospital and taken quickly in for heart surgery. The operation went well and, as the old man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a sister of the hospital, who was waiting by his bed.
“Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting his hand. “We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?””No, I’m not,” the man whispered hoarsely.”Then can you pay in cash?” persisted the nun. I’m afraid I cannot, Sister.””Well, do you have any close relatives?” the nun questioned sternly.
“Just my sister in New Mexico,” he volunteered. “But she’s a humble spinster nun.” “Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinster – they are married to God.””Wonderful,” said Mr. Smith. “In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
Military Insurance Sales
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost 100% sales, a record that had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: “If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.””Now,” he concluded, “which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?”
Life’s Full Of Alligators
Once there was a billionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion.
The billionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces,
“My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars
or my daughter’s hand in marriage to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!”
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!!
Everyone turned to witness one guy in the pool desperately swimming as quickly as he could to avoid the alligators.
The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking and screaming out of fear for his life.
Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The billionaire was impressed.
He said, “My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn’t think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?”
The guy says, “Listen, I don’t want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the bar steward who pushed me in!”
Protect Your Smile ♦ Insurance Jokes
Connell Insurance Agency Inc. – “Protecting What’s Important To You”